ConnexionHigh on Life Story Recap: Everything You Need Before Playing the Sequel
Imagine E.T. snorted your dad off a space toilet. You’d be mad, but there wouldn’t be anything you could do about it. Unless you happened to have an arsenal of powerful alien guns and some tricked-out power armour. This is the story of you, an unassuming kid who just happens to love video games, and how Earth getting taken over by a vast interstellar drug cartel turns out to be the making of you.
The events of High on Life start at the outbreak of alien invasion on a seemingly normal day in sleepy suburbia. Your parents are out of town, your cokehead sister, Lizzie, wants to throw a wild party, and all you want to do is lose yourself in a Legally Distinct first person shooter. Relatable.
Out of nowhere arrives the G3 Cartel, led by a disgusting slimy slug man called Garmantuous; a blob of distorted flesh more hideous than Jabba the Hutt and twice as mean. He’s here because, sadly, human beings are a very potent recreational drug. In a spot of obscenely bad luck, evolutionarily speaking, we just so happen to be like catnip to the various species that make up galactic civilisation. So the G3 cartel is here to enslave us, stick us all in jars, and sell us on street corners, showing absolutely no regard for our rights as sentient beings. They even murder beloved Hollywood stars Jack Black and Susan Sarandon!
Fortunately, an early chance encounter with tips the scales ever so slightly back in humanity’s favour. You meet Kenny, a sentient gun from the planet Gatlus. The Gatlians are proud race of living weapons who are also enslaved by the cartel, subjected to a brutal bioengineered plague. Any survivors are pressganged into forming the bulk of the cartel’s lethal arsenal.
You know, I’m starting to think these guys aren’t very nice.
Kenny turns out to be an affable young gun with an axe to grind against the cartel and a plan for you both to get even. With his help, you escape the ravaging of Earth by warping your entire house to Blim City, an alien metropolis full of gleaming towers, fantastic technology, and, well… pawn shops, criminal gangs, filthy slums, and gobby delinquents. It is a city after all. They’re all Birmingham or Detroit or whatever when you get down to it.
So here’s Kenny's plan: you become a licensed bounty hunter and destroy the G3 cartel’s entire sordid operation by systematically murdering all of its top brass... which involves chaotically murdering much of its bottom brass. All of which is quite impossible without the help of Gene Zaroothian: a down-on-his-luck, formerly famous bounty hunter who has at some point resorted to selling his own legs for a bit of quick cash. In exchange for a permanent seat on your couch and custody of the TV remote, he sets you up with the aforementioned Tricked Out Power Armour and the all-important Bounty-5000, a vast alien computer that combines the functions of a contract board and a Stargate. He also sets you up with your first mission: head to the slums, recover Gene’s knife “Knifey”, and assassinate 9-Torg, a local crime boss. And also 5-Torg, her cloned sister, if you like.
While not strictly speaking part of the G3 Cartel, 9-Torg’s gang do business with them as drug runners and so it feels perfectly morally consistent to, y’know, murder them all. With Knifey recovered and the associated skills of knife crime and grappling unlocked, your crusade to save humanity from the scum of the universe begins in earnest.
Target 1: Krubis
Your first target is Krubis, the big cheese of G3’s mining operations on the planet Zephyr Paradise, with a thick New Jersey accent and drills for hands.
“Mining operation?”, you say? "I thought this was a drug cartel? What could they possibly be mining for?"
Drugs. They’re mining drugs. Specifically, a living drug called Furgles, another sentient race enjoying the dubious honour of somehow having evolved to give other aliens a really good high when snorted. They tend to live underground in caves, hence all the mining. Furgles share the planet with the Moplets, a race of Despair Bears with scrotums for faces who have been brutally enslaved by Krubis in order to keep the mines running.
Krubis, however, has a problem. With the discovery of humans, who have proven a much more potent narcotic, the demand for Furgles is set to collapse. He and his product is now fast slipping out of favour with Garmantuous, meaning his position within the G3 Cartel rests on very shakey ground. Which is what happens when you dig too many tunnels.
Soon enough, however, that’s the least of his concerns, because you kill him and take his gun, Gus, the JB Smoove voiced frog-faced shotgun with a vacuum function who can shoot large sawblades that you can use as platforms. He’s also the only Gatlian who has arms, which is ironic for a race of arms. You know, armaments. Ah, forget it.
Meanwhile, back home, while Lizzie has been getting into the alien dating scene, Gene has been making himself a bit too comfortable on the couch, and so you find the two at each other’s throats.
Target 2: Douglas
The second G3 target is Douglas, the cartel’s head of training. And also torture. And while some level of evil is required to work in recruitment, Douglas’ unrelenting cruelty and hedonism makes him extremely bad at his job, often making new recruits fight each other to the death despite the G3’s existential staffing problems. This, of course, means he’s fast slipping out of favour with Garmantuous, which seems to be a running theme here. How can such a chaotic and badly managed organisation be the dominant criminal conspiracy in the galaxy? It’s almost like someone else is really pulling the strings here...
Douglas is a small, vulnerable octopus creature who is obsessed with setting pointless, arduous training tasks. In disguise as Dr. Joopy, he almost convinces you to lead him back to the power armour he’s accidentally locked himself out of while on a bender, but the ruse is uncovered by Gus, and so you can just shoot him instead of playing his stupid games. Or not. Either way you end up fighting his suit, win, and acquire a new Gatlian companion: Sweezy, an obnoxious needler with a nifty time bubble alt fire which can be used to get into air ducts.
Target 3: Doctor Giblets
Clugg Nuggmin, Blim City’s magistrate, summons you to his office to congratulate you on your campaign against the drug trade, and offers his assistance in rescuing the human race by building a safe haven for your people and a giving you a device to teleport any humans you find directly there. Setting aside for now the high probability of this guy having a nefarious agenda, you proceed to the next assassination mission… stopping briefly to solve another domestic between Gene, Lizzie, and her dipshit boyfriend, Tweeg.
The next target? Doctor Giblets, the cartel’s deranged warp scientist, who’s currently hiding out on Zephyr Paradise. Current intel on Dr. Giblets says he’s gone into hiding after murdering all of his own men, and is in possession of a powerful Gatlian. Upon finding his secret base, however, you find only a Busted Gatlian, which is utterly broken and inoperable after being experimented on. Before you can deal righteous revenge on his abuser, though, Giblets accidentally trips over and... dies. Far from saving you the bother of a boss fight, though, this leads to one of the hardest battles in the game in the form of Dr. Giblets’ posthumous revenge.
Giblets ends up thoroughly dealt with, and the Busted Gatlian is delivered back to Gene to see if anything can be done for them. But Giblets wasn’t the only G3 boss on Zephyr Paradise performing horrific medical experiments.
Target 4: The Skrendel Brothers
Next on the hit list: the Skrendel Brothers, overseers of Skrendel Labs, a vast drug facility where the cartel are experimenting on humans in order to increase their potency. On the way there you rescue another Gatlian, Creature, and learn of the nasty experiments that have turned him into a gun that is permanently pregnant, capable of shooting his own offspring as projectiles. What is it with these guys and horrific medical experiments?
The Skrendel Bros are a compound being of triplets who combine into an ultra form during your final battle with them, which they obviously lose. By now you’ve become enough of a thorn in the cartel’s side to garner the attention of Garmantuous himself, who warns you to back off, with the implication that your long lost parents will be harmed if you don’t. However, it actually turns out that Garmantuous has Hollywood’s beloved Jack Black and Susan Sarandon, not your parents, in one of the game’s funniest twists and long-form gags. Which I completely spoiled in the intro to this recap. Hey, look, if you were bothered about spoilers, you wouldn’t be reading a recap, right?
In the meantime, it turns out that the busted Gatlian is a former resistance leader by the name of Lezduit, who's now a shadow of his former self due to mistreatment, but is still a hugely powerful firearm. However, it seems that he has a troubled past with Kenny...
Blim City Invasion
It wouldn’t be a video game without a perilous third act where you nearly lose everything. Firstly, Lizzie has gone missing, and so you head to Space Applebees in the slums where her boyfriend, Tweeg, works as a cook. That’s right, there’s a Space Applebees, in one of the funniest and most unlikely pieces of product placement ever featured in video games. This would be like having a licensed OMEGA watch in a Bond game that you only ever see covered in shit.
At Applebees, Kenny takes one of the game’s rare quiet moments to explain his unwitting part in the downfall of the Gatlian race, confessing that he became the personal firearm of a G3 smuggler and ended up, through cowardice and incompetence, leading the Cartel directly back to his home planet, triggering a war which his people lost due to a genetically engineered disease that turned most of them catatonic. Feeling the a huge strain from this guilt, Kenny vows to save humanity to atone for the genocide of his people. Which is all pretty heavy stuff for a daft Rick and Morty first-person shooter, but the pathos is regularly interrupted by an Applebees waiter just to keep things as light as possible. This is, without a doubt, the best bit in the game.
Moving on, it turns out Tweeg is a G3 agent tasked with infiltrating your home by romancing Lizzie and gaining her trust. He’s seen kidnapping her in his space RV and fleeing Blim City, but before you can chase, the place is overrun with Cartel, forcing a hasty escape involving once again warping your house to a new location. This time, you arrive on the toxic ruins of Gatlus, the home planet of the Gatlians.
Lizzie’s fine, by the way.
Target 5: Nipulon
The penultimate boss is Nipulon: Garmantuous’s right hand man and the G3’s chief of customer relations. He runs an infamous drug den and is, contrary to the wisdom of most high-level operatives in the illegal drug trade, partial to his own merchandise.
And, of course, like Batman’s Scarecrow or a tired parent with access to kid-grade Tylenol, Nipulon is skilled in weaponising drugs. This leads to one of the trippiest boss fights in modern gaming, in which we learn that, no matter the odds, any challenge can be overcome with the power of teamwork. And that handling firearms while intoxicated can sometimes lead to a positive outcome. Actually, you know what, I don’t think there is a moral to this story, it’s just a bunch of stuff that happens.
Finish the Fight
After dispatching Nipulon, Gene manages to save the powerful Gatlian Lezduit from oblivion: with no more guns to collect and no more upgrades to purchase, the only thing left to do is return to Earth and kill Garmantuous, permanently ending the tyranny of the G3 Cartel once and for all and saving the human race from the ignoble fate of becoming ecstasy for ALF.
Even the firepower of Lezduit won’t quite be enough to take down Gamantuous, however. The only way to kill this crime lord, surmises Gene, is to ram a bomb up his backside. And so, at the climax of a prolonged Bullet Hell battle, with an incapacitated Garmantuous showing his entire ass metaphorically and literally, the butt bomb enema fails to explode. The remote detonator is faulty.
Yes, the game’s punchline requires you to sacrifice one of your newfound friends by pushing them up the villain’s anus. A fitting end for the galaxy’s biggest asshole, for sure. The only question is: who to sacrifice?
The most prudent choice is Kenny, given how this noble sacrifice completes his redemption arc, but it doesn’t really matter because your choice is immediately undermined when it turns out that whichever gun you cast into the void immediately comes back after surviving the resulting explosion.
That’s right: Oh my god, they don’t kill Kenny. Except they might as well have done, because when the High on Knife DLC rolls around his character gets unceremoniously written out with a bit of exposition, for reasons that are beyond the remit of this recap.
Incidentally, the major revelations from the DLC are: Knifey is not a type of melee Gatlian but a native of the planet Australia 2, hailing from a race of pacifist knives who can’t stand him. And also that getting rid of the dysfunctional G3 Cartel doesn’t actually make humanity any safer from the intergalactic drug trade, but we already figured that out from the secret ending of the base game, in which the big villainous mastermind behind it all is revealed to be Dr. Gurgula. He's found in the bowels of the Human Haven set up by Magistrate Clugg, ostensibly to help you save your people but actually to recapture them and provide human subjects to Dr. Gurgula for even more horrible experiments. The game is pretty unequivocal that this reveal is a tease for the sequel, in which you, your sister, Gene, and at least some of the returning Gatlians are fugitives on the run from galactic authorities.
And that is the entire story of High on Life, or at least the stuff you actually need to know before you play High on Life 2.
