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There is a rescue under way in Newmarket Road, Windsor, where cars have tried to drive through flood waters.

The Queensland government has stressed to use common sense, adjust speeds and not drive through flood waters. There have been some heavy rainfall overnight and the roads are dangerous.

We’ve been working on a budget now, in the normal course, and budget submissions have been presented to the expenditure review committee. I sit on that.

And so we’ve been very busy in over the last few months, really, and particularly over the last few weeks, in the lead-up to the budget.

• Norrie loses 6-3, 7-5 to American 10th seed in third round
• Former British No 1 hits double fault on match point

It has been three and a half years since Cameron Norrie departed the Indian Wells Tennis Garden having shocked the tennis world by winning one of the most important trophies in the sport. A rise into the top 10 of the ATP rankings and a Wimbledon semi-final followed soon after.

Despite two extremely positive earlier performances during the past week in the desert, Norrie remains a considerable distance from reproducing his success of old. The 29-year-old was outclassed in the third round of Indian Wells by the No 10 seed Tommy Paul, whose greater weapons and confidence in the decisive moments earned him a 6-3, 7-5 win.

• Maureen Koster recovering after fall on track
• Britain denied gold in 4x400m after hosts’ controversy

Melissa Courtney-Bryant held her nerve – and her footing – amid one of the more disturbing scenes on an athletics track in recent memory to win a gutsy 3,000m European Indoor Championships silver medal.

Early in the race, the Briton heard a scream and knew that the Dutch athlete Maureen Koster, her close friend, had crashed to the ground. What she didn’t know was that Koster had also smashed her head and was unconscious.

Liverpool completed the upset of the Women’s FA Cup quarter-finals with a battling 1-0 victory against Arsenal. A 78th-minute winner – a rebounded own goal off the unfortunate Daphne van Domselaar – sent the Reds through to the semi-finals for the first time since the 2016-17 season.

Amber Whiteley, the interim manager, hailed her side’s performance after a disruptive 10 days since the departure of Matt Beard.

President downplays recent stock market volatility that followed his ducking and weaving over tariff policy

Donald Trump on Sunday refused to rule out the possibility that the US economy will head into recession this year and that inflation will rise, as his chaotic trade tariffs policy cause uncertainty and market turbulence.

The US president predicted that his economic goals would take time and a period of transition to bear fruit. But when asked in an interview with the Fox News show Sunday Morning Futures “are you expecting a recession this year?” he demurred.

Reuters contributed reporting

The US singer makes a terrific screen debut opposite Palmer in this tale of two roommates working out how to not get evicted

A race against time to stave off imminent eviction, with added peril due to a misunderstanding over a rare pair of Nike Air Jordan trainers, One of Them Days walks a relatively familiar buddy movie path. Dreux (Keke Palmer) and Alyssa (SZA) are best friends and roommates in a cheap and cheerful apartment in LA’s Baldwin Village. But then Alyssa’s feckless boyfriend spends the rent money and the women have until the end of the day to raise the cash.

With its zingy colour palette and effervescent, unapologetically uneven storytelling, the film has a buoyant, almost cartoonish quality (albeit one laced with lip-smacking, sexually explicit dialogue). What elevates this raucous romp by music video director Lawrence Lamont is the crackling energy between Palmer (Nope) and singer SZA, making her acting debut here. Dreux also gets a love interest, in the shape of a mysterious hunk named Maniac (Patrick Cage). But Dreux and Alyssa, with their sparky chemistry and crisp comic sparring, is the only relationship we care about.

In UK and Irish cinemas

St George’s, Hanover Square, London
Jonathan Cohen and his crack baroque ensemble Arcangelo seized upon the colourful pastoral with relish, lighting up Handel’s own parish church

This year’s London Handel festival got off to a rousing start with new artistic adviser Jonathan Cohen at the helm of Arcangelo, the crack baroque ensemble he founded back in 2010. On the bill was the colourful pastoral L’Allegro, il Penseroso ed il Moderato, in which wit and jollity look set to gain the upper hand before Handel decides to put a dampener on things by insisting on moderation in everything.

Faced with a shortage of Italian singers in 1740, the composer went full English, laying aside ideas for Messiah “to please the Town with something of a gayer Turn.” His librettist, James Harris, interwove Milton’s poem L’Allegro (The Happy Man) with the contrasting Il Penseroso (The Melancholy Man), before adding a codicil at the composer’s request in the form of Il Moderato (The Moderate Man). The result, which ends with a paraphrase on Shakespeare’s The Tempest, may feel a bit of a mashup, but it provided Handel with irresistible opportunities for turning vivid imagery into equally vivid music. Remarkably, he knocked the whole thing out in just 14 days.

Far-right supporters of the candidate claim decision is undemocratic and Elon Musk describes his ban as ‘crazy’

Romania’s central election authority has barred far-right pro-Russia candidate Călin Georgescu from running in May’s presidential election re-run.

The rejection of his candidacy, which was announced on Sunday evening and was condemned by far-right party leaders as undemocratic, can be challenged at the constitutional court.

Ruben Amorim had set the bar low, as he has regularly sought to do ­during his tumultuous four months in charge at Manchester United. ­Expectation management is the name of the game. “We just need to survive,” the head coach said as he assessed the one-time must‑see ­fixture of the English calendar, wary of a selection crisis that would deprive him of 11 players.

United did more than that and they were so close to cutting through the gloom at Old Trafford with an overdue victory. The United We Stand fanzine had a nice front cover. “Well, at least we’ve got Bruno,” went the wording. When it was over, Amorim sang from the same song sheet. “We need more Brunos,” he said.

• Vinícius Júnior also scores in 2-1 win over Rayo Vallecano
• Getafe’s late double stuns Atlético; Napoli beat Fiorentina

Kylian Mbappé and Vinícius Júnior scored in the first half to give Real Madrid an easy 2-1 win over neighbours Rayo Vallecano on Sunday that helped them draw level at the top of the table in the battle to retain their La Liga crown.

Only one point separates Spain’s three biggest clubs in one of the closest title races in recent years with Barcelona leading the pack on 57 points, ahead of second-placed Real on goal difference with Atlético Madrid in third on 56 points after a 2-1 loss at Getafe earlier on Sunday. Barça, who will face Atlético next Sunday, have a game in hand after their match against Osasuna on Saturday was postponed due to the sudden death of their team doctor.

This story will be updated

Internet Watch Foundation says ‘worrying’ trend shows criminals are casting their nets wider to trap victims

• Our son was targeted by sextortionist online – here’s what we did

Children as young as 11 to 13 are being targeted by sextortion criminals for the first time, according to data.

The Internet Watch Foundation (IWF) said the “worrying” trend showed that criminals behind extortion attempts were casting their nets wider in an attempt to trap victims.

Humanitarian officials say move could hit already meagre water supply, as ceasefire talks grow increasingly chaotic

Israel is to cut off any remaining electricity supplies to Gaza in an apparent attempt to ramp up pressure on Hamas amid increasingly chaotic multi-track negotiations over the fragile ceasefire in the territory.

The potential consequences of the Israeli decision for the 2.3 million residents of the devastated Palestinian territory are unclear, as most rely on diesel-fuelled generators for power.

The Hindu nationalist prime minister’s push could shift power northward to his political advantage but risks escalating political tensions

When Narendra Modi’s alliance won a narrow majority in last year’s Indian election, it signalled his waning popularity after a decade in power. A victory in 2029 may seem unlikely. Yet his government’s push to redraw parliamentary constituencies using post-2026 census data could tilt the electoral field in his favour.

The process, known as delimitation, ensures each member of parliament represents an equal number of voters – a principle of democratic fairness. Since 1976, however, it has been frozen to avoid penalising Indian states that curbed population growth. If delimitation proceeds, Mr Modi’s populous northern strongholds will gain seats, weakening the political clout of India’s economically dynamic and culturally distinct southern cone. Its five states are governed by different parties but, critically, none belong to Modi’s ruling Hindu nationalist Bharatiya Janata party (BJP). Southern states have long accused Mr Modi’s government of bias in federal funding and project approvals. Last week’s gathering of the south’s political leadership in Delhi to protest against his move underscores the risk of backlash.

Mahmoud Khalil’s arrest comes as Trump vows to deport foreign students involved in protests against Israel’s war

A prominent Palestinian activist who helped lead Columbia University’s student encampment movement was arrested on Saturday night by federal immigration authorities who claimed they were acting on a state department order to revoke his green card, according to his attorney.

Mahmoud Khalil was at his university-owned apartment, blocks from the private Ivy League university’s main campus in New York when several Immigration and Customs Enforcement (Ice) agents entered the building and took him into custody, his attorney, Amy Greer, told the Associated Press.

Human rights commissioner calls for investigation into ‘extremely disturbing’ attacks in Latakia province

The UN has condemned what it called “extremely disturbing” reports of entire families being killed in north-west Syria as clashes between security forces and Assad regime loyalists resulted in the country’s highest death toll since the start of its revolution in 2011.

The UN commissioner for human rights, Volker Türk, called on Sunday for investigations into the killings and for perpetrators to be held accountable. “We are receiving extremely disturbing reports of entire families, including women, children and hors de combat [surrendered] fighters, being killed,” he said in a statement. “The killing of civilians in coastal areas in north-west Syria must cease, immediately.”

• Deal will reportedly be worth $40m a year
• Defensive end had requested trade from Browns
• Bills release Von Miller in cost-saving move

Myles Garrett is set to become the highest-paid non-quarterback in NFL history after reportedly signing a four-year contract extension with the Cleveland Browns.

The deal is understood to include $122.8m in guaranteed money, an average annual salary of $40m and a total value of $204.8m.

But Friedrich Merz cautions such a move could not replace the US’s existing protective shield over Europe

Germany’s chancellor-to-be, Friedrich Merz, has said he will reach out to France and Britain to discuss the sharing of nuclear weapons, but cautioned that such a move could not be a replacement for the US’s existing protective shield over Europe.

“The sharing of nuclear weapons is an issue we need to talk about,” Merz said in a wide-ranging interview on Sunday with the broadcaster Deutschlandfunk (DLF). “We have to be stronger together in nuclear deterrence.”

• England 47-24 Italy
• Sleightholme scores two tries in bonus-point win

Six weeks ago England would definitely have settled for their current position, still mathematically in the hunt for the Six Nations title this season. France may now be strong favourites to lift the trophy on Satur­day night but three consecutive home wins with a total of 12 tries scored have finally offered tangible evidence of red rose improvement after an often frustrating winter.

In isolation there was nothing particularly special about this seven-try victory against an outgunned Italy team on a beautiful Sunday afternoon but inside the camp it will be seized upon as further proof that England are ­genuinely on track for the sunlit uplands. Another bonus‑point victory against Wales in Cardiff will be needed to put pressure on Les Bleus when they face Scotland in Paris later the same day but this was the first time in 32 Tests under Steve ­Borthwick that England have registered more than 40 points against tier-one opponents.

Leak reportedly confirms next Bond will be a man, as actor says it was ‘right decision’ to pass franchise to Amazon

The next James Bond should be British, Pierce Brosnan has said, as a leaked memo reportedly confirmed the character will remain a man.

The Irish actor, who played Bond from 1995 to 2002, said it was a “given” that the spy should be British, after rumours an American could be tipped for the role.

Jean-Michel Aphatie stands by comments he made on broadcaster RTL

A prominent French journalist has said he is stepping down from his role as an expert analyst for broadcaster RTL after provoking an uproar by comparing French actions during colonial rule in Algeria to a second world war massacre committed by Nazi forces in France.

Jean-Michel Aphatie, a veteran reporter and broadcaster, insisted that while he would not be returning to RTL, he wholly stood by his comments made on the radio station in February equating atrocities committed by France in Algeria with those of Nazi Germany in occupied France.

• Updates from the 4.30pm GMT kick-off at Old Trafford
• Get in touch: email John | Premier League top scorers

One Arsenal change to the starting line-up from Eindhoven in midweekiss Riccardo Calafriori preferred to tough tackling’s Myles Lewis-Skelly at left-back. Mikel Merino plays the Tim Cahill role of converted midfielder.

For United, Rasmus Hojlund has been dropped after 19 games without a goal. Joshua Zirkzee will lead the line and, with Bruno Fernandes moving into the frontline, Christian Eriksen comes in to partner Casemiro in what may not be the most mobile midfield. Victor Lindelof replaces Patrick Dorgu and will play as one of the three-man defence. Manuel Ugarte and Harry Maguire are out with injury and likely to be missed.

• Final: India, 254-6, bt N Zealand, 251-7, by four wickets
• Rohit smashes 76 after Kiwis unable to set big target

And so ends an impressively ­fatuous experiment: what happens when the best side in the world get the dice loaded in their favour? On a ­sultry night at the Dubai International ­Stadium, we got the entirely foreseeable answer. Pakistan’s tournament is India’s glory, by four wickets with six balls to spare: a triumph that felt as immaculately controlled as the months of sabre-rattling and politicking that preceded it.

None of which is to diminish the acclaim due to India’s players: men of skill and men of character, men who step up and deliver under pressure. They did not devise the format in which everyone else travelled, toiled and adapted while they stayed put. They did not construct the apparatus of a global game run in the interests of one country.

Most musicians can only make money on the platform by writing songs inoffensive enough to get on to one of its vapid playlists

In the hands of some of its most gifted practitioners, songwriting is a kind of emotional alchemy. For the past week, I have been returning to a perfect example: Every Time the Sun Comes Up by the US singer Sharon Van Etten, which was released in 2014. Its lyrics might be fractured and fragmented, but it is an almost perfect portrait of self-doubt and downward spirals: one of those songs that captures feelings so deep that they go way beyond words.

I went back to that song as I read a superb new book that has both educated and profoundly depressed me. Mood Machine, by the New York-based journalist Liz Pelly, is about the music-streaming giant Spotify, and how it attracted its current 615 million subscribers, making a billionaire of its Swedish co-founder and CEO, Daniel Ek. But its most compelling story centres on what Spotify has done to people’s appreciation of songs and the people who make them – much of which is down to the platform’s ubiquitous playlists.

John Harris is a Guardian columnist. His memoir Maybe I’m Amazed, about his autistic son James and how music became their shared language, is published on 27 March. For more information, visit maybeimamazed.substack.com

SXSW film festival: Jenna Ortega, Paul Rudd and Richard E Grant lead a wasted cast in this silly and exasperating mishmash of comedy and gore

The unicorn has been a staple of folk mythology for thousands of years, dating back to at least ancient Persia, with consistent characteristics: a horse-like figure with a single majestic horn, fundamentally elusive and untamable, possessing magical healing properties. But such a creature, recognizable from medieval art to My Little Pony, is one of the less familiar elements of Death of a Unicorn, the debut feature from writer-director Alex Scharfman that premiered at the SXSW film festival on Saturday. The film, produced by clout powerhouse A24, traffics in well-trod territory: the prestige eat-the-rich satire with a stacked cast and a beautiful backdrop. So well-trod, in fact, that it’s a relief when the mythical beasts do arrive – if only to reveal dubious CGI and a questionable commitment to the bit.

Silly as it may sound, Scharfman treats this unicorn bit with sincere seriousness, aiming for relevance on the rapacious state of late-stage capitalism satirized in such recent hits as The Menu, Triangle of Sadness, Knives Out: Glass Onion, Parasite and Succession, among others. I know this road, you know this road, even disaffected college student Ridley (Jenna Ortega) knows this road as she and her credulous father Elliot (Paul Rudd), a corporate lawyer, drive into the Canadian Rockies for a retreat with Elliot’s billionaire boss and his family. “Philanthropy is just reputation laundering for the oligarchy,” she retorts when her father tries to extol the largesse of the Leopolds, a clan of pharmaceutical executives loosely based on America’s Sackler family.

Some Chelsea supporters remain standoffish with Enzo Maresca, even after seeing their side creep back into top four. The sense remains that Stamford Bridge regulars will take some convincing on the merits of the careful, possession-heavy nature of Marescaball. It is not exactly setting pulses racing at the moment and it was telling that the mood was far from harmonious during this win against Leicester City.

Maresca seemed to be letting out a lot of frustration when he reacted to Marc Cucurella breaking the deadlock after an hour of stodginess by gesturing angrily for fans to make more noise. The grumbling about his team’s backwards and sideways ­passing had struck a nerve. Then again Maresca could hardly ­complain if there was dissatis­faction about Chelsea ­labouring against ­opponents who look certain to return to the Championship after losing 12 of their past 13 games.

A giant of political drama, Fugard captured the injustices of apartheid in works such as Sizwe Banzi Is Dead and The Island

The South African playwright and director Athol Fugard, whose works included the play Sizwe Banzi Is Dead and the novel Tsotsi, has died at the age of 92. The actor John Kani paid tribute on X on Sunday, saying “I am deeply saddened by the passing of my dear friend”. The mayor’s office in Cape Town said: “Athol Fugard was not just a luminary in the world of theatre; he was a teller of profound stories of hope and resilience about South Africa.”

A major political dissident playwright of the 20th century, Fugard wrote more than 30 dramas including Statements After an Arrest Under the Immorality Act (in 1972) and “Master Harold” … and the Boys (1982). Both of those drew upon the time in the 1950s when he could only find employment as a clerk in one of the courts where black South Africans were charged (and inevitably convicted) of breaches of the “pass laws”, designed to control the movements of a racially segregated population under the apartheid system. There, he witnessed hourly the dehumanisation of those who had chosen the “wrong” streets or people.

Credit Tottenham for their resilience. Credit their character for coming back into the game. Credit them for battling their way to a point that never really seemed plausible until Son Heung-min converted an 84th‑minute penalty. But let nobody get carried away: this was a game that raised more questions for Spurs than it answered. It was not a performance that should reassure anybody.

The daffodils were out in front of the flats on the Seven Sisters Road. There was some warmth in the sun. Fans uncertainly cast off their thick winter coats. Finally, Tottenham’s injury crisis is beginning to ease. At last Ange Postecoglou has had some time to work with his squad. Spurs had won league games on three successive weekends. Even with a 1-0 defeat against Manchester City in their previous league game, it might have been possible to believe that winter is over, that renewal has begun.

The colour and detail in this collection of nonfiction by the grandfather of New Journalism brings the city to gripping, dazzling life

The critics have never quite called off the search for the great American novel; meanwhile, the hunt goes on for the only slightly less prized great American article. It’s a piece of journalism that captures the spirit and meaning of the republic. Hardboiled but with a soft centre, in the US feature-writing tradition, it might be set in New York, the most American of places.

Indeed, you can still catch staffers at the New Yorker magazine having a crack at it, though they’d never admit it. Their copy might include a zigzagging fire escape, or a genie of steam escaping from a sidewalk, or perhaps a yellow cab hopscotching over potholes. But never all these motifs together! That would risk unfavourable comparison with the cherished chroniclers of the city’s past: EB White, AJ Liebling, Dorothy Parker and others.

An architect has designed a sustainable home inside a glass box, where fruit and veg grow, and their family can thrive

Situated on the family farmstead, surrounded by trees and pasture, stands the extraordinary glasshouse where architect Margit Klev and her young family have made their home. Here, Klev has created a house within a house, placing her bespoke building inside a vast glass barn, delivered as a kit from Denmark and erected on site in just two weeks. This glass shell not only protects the family home inside it, but also shelters an indoor garden and garden rooms, where Klev can nurture plants and trees that would never usually survive a Norwegian winter.

“Inside the greenhouse I can grow grapes, apricots, nectarines and peaches,” says Klev, whose two greatest passions are architecture and gardening. “I can also grow a lot of herbs around the other plants: parsley, salvia, melissa… herbs that don’t grow so well outside. And I can also use the greenhouse to grow small plants from seeds that I can plant out in the open later on, in the spring or early summer.”

Moscow claims it is close to surrounding thousands of Ukrainian troops in Kursk region

Russia has taken control of several villages in the Kursk region and claims its forces are close to surrounding thousands of Ukrainian troops fighting on Russian territory.

For seven months, Ukraine has controlled a pocket inside western Russia. Last week, Russian and North Korean troops launched a major offensive, shortly after Donald Trump pulled the plug on military support, intelligence and satellite feeds with Kyiv.

Last words shed new light on the lives and deaths of the ‘ordinary people’ who stood up to Nazi regime

Christel Van Iseghem was sitting in a radio studio when she heard the last words of her great uncle Norbert, murdered by the Nazis for his role in the Belgian resistance.

“My heart stood still,” said the 71-year-old from Kallo in Flanders. “This was something I didn’t know existed. I sat there shaking, my hands trembling … It means so much to me. He will not be forgotten.”

The author’s haunting and highly readable fictionalisation of a high-profile killing in prewar Liverpool is rich in legal and procedural detail

In 1931, William Herbert Wallace was first convicted and then acquitted on appeal of the murder of his wife, Julia. Her killer was never found and the case remains one of the most pored-over mysteries of the 20th century. Crime novelists including Dorothy L Sayers and PD James have written essays and books about it, and none other than Raymond Chandler, who knew a thing or two about unsolvable wickedness, described it as “the nonpareil of all murder mysteries... I call it the impossible murder because Wallace couldn’t have done it, and neither could anyone else.” Why would anyone murder an apparently nondescript, harmless woman? Anthony Quinn has now turned his attention to the case in his new novel; the result is intensely readable and, appropriately enough, indelibly haunting.

Quinn’s masterstroke is not to focus on Wallace himself, a middle-aged insurance company collection agent who lived in Liverpool, but to invent a new character, Detective Inspector Key, who plays chess with Wallace and is drawn into the case as much through his friendship with the accused man as for professional reasons.

The Guardian’s Paul Lewis and Rob Evans on investigating one of England’s most covert police units and learning that they were using the identities of dead children. Frank Bennett reflects on the impact of discovering that a police spy had stolen his dead brother’s identity to infiltrate two leftwing organisations, and to deceive a woman into a sexual relationship

The Undercover Police Scandal: Love and Lies Exposed is available now on ITVX

This episode first aired on 9 December 2020.

In 2018, Frank Bennett’s sister Honor received a hand-delivered letter from a public inquiry about their 18-year-old brother Michael Hartley, who had been reported missing at sea, believed dead, 50 years before. For a moment, they thought Michael had been found, but in fact, the letter revealed that their dead brother’s identity had been stolen by a police officer who had penetrated two leftwing organisations. Using this false identity, the police spy had deceived a woman into a sexual relationship and had been prosecuted during his deployment. Frank talks to Anushka Asthana about his childhood and the impact his brother’s death had on him and his family. Knowing that, years on, his brother’s name had been used by police has had a huge impact on his mental health, he says. Frank describes the police’s behaviour as “disgusting”.

The charismatic sports news host has become an unlikely force in a party that needs critical friends and fresh ideas

The View, one of the US’s most popular daytime television programmes, was a vital campaign stop last year for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. This week, it played host to a cable sports channel personality who might be nurturing political ambitions of his own.

Stephen A Smith was asked by co-host Alyssa Farah Griffin what he makes of hypothetical polls that show him among the leading contenders for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2028.

Donald Trump’s re-election has made many in the US doubt whether the direction of their nation is for them

A record number of Americans are seeking UK citizenship, according to recent data.

In 2024, more than 6,100 US citizens applied for UK citizenship, marking a 26% increase from 2023 and the highest number recorded since data collection began in 2004. The figures reveal a significant rise in applications during the final three months of last year, coinciding with Donald Trump’s re-election to the White House, when there was a 40% year-on-year rise in applications.

Commission president says ‘something fundamental’ has shifted and democracy and rule of law are under threat

“Nothing is off the table” when it comes to raising money for defence, the head of the European Commission, Ursula von der Leyen, has said, as she warned European values such as democracy and the rule of law were under threat in a increasingly “transactional” world.

Without mentioning Donald Trump by name, the head of the EU executive told reporters there was a new sense of urgency in the geopolitical sphere and that “something fundamental” had shifted since she began her second term in office on 1 December, nearly 100 days ago.

• France captain likely to miss at least six months
• Dupont was injured during win over Ireland in Dublin

Antoine Dupont, France’s talismanic captain and the player widely considered to be the best on the planet, has said that he ruptured cruciate ligaments in his right knee during his team’s win against Ireland in the Six Nations on Saturday.

“The heart hurts even more than the knee when you have to leave your friends before the last step,” Dupont posted on Sunday on Instagram. “I am proud of what we accomplished yesterday and with all my strength with you, you will do it. Rupture of the cruciate ligaments. This is the beginning of a new challenge, I’ll see you in a few months on the field.”

• Updates from the 2.30pm GMT kick-off at Meadow Park
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Here we go then, as the whistle from referee Stacey Pearson gets us going at a sun-soaked Meadow Park.

It’s all over at the Joie Stadium where Manchester City have seen off the challenge of Aston Villa. With Chelsea v Crystal Palace getting under way at 2.30pm as well, we’ll know all four semi-finalists in a couple of hour’s time – and then we’ll get the draw.

• Latest updates from the 2pm GMT kick-off
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Another veteran writes. “Currently sitting in ED after dislocating my shoulder (not fun for 51 playing vets football),” says Mark Goodchild. “So can these updates be witty and fun please, take my mind off people coming in with rashes and sore fingers.” Ouch!

“Your exchange about xG,” says Richard Hirst, “highlights the pointlessness of the whole thing. Unless the algorithm/pointy heads feed in the difference between Ian Rush and Ronny Rosenthal or between Gordon Banks and Gary Sprake, then there can be no legitimate expectations. Bah, humbug (and yes, I am 71, and therefore by definition a boring old fart).”