Really, what is the point of this endless conversational back and forth? Step out of the loop, and change your life

You get a coffee. The barista tells you how much you need to pay. You say thank you. They take your card for payment. They say thank you. They give you the coffee. You say thank you. They say thank you for your thank you. Then you say thank you for their thank you. By this point, the words “thank you” have lost all meaning, and both parties are exhausted by the pointless stream of politeness.

Growing up in India, I learned that thank yous are only for distant strangers, and that close friends and family get offended if you thank them. I would say thank you to a speaker delivering a formal talk but never to a friend helping during a crisis or a family member making me dinner. But living in the UK for two decades has forced me to adopt our incessant “thank you” culture. I now find myself saying thank you at least 10 times a day and sometimes many more. Nevertheless, there are some British “thank yous” that I would ban completely, if I could.

Sangeeta Pillai is a south Asian feminist activist, author of Bad Daughter and the creator of Masala Podcast

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